I certainly understand, and somewhat share a bit of your frustration, Steven. (Although my deposit is only $100 and is fully refundable.)
With all of the current production and shipping issues aside, I expect Nikon to be fully honest with me, not legally so. If they say they will have a 2021 product release, then have a legitimate release of the product in 2021; not just a small number of units in the hands of special customers, unless they amplify their statement so stating. In addition, don't let some of your biggest distributors (B&H, etc.) claim a certain release date that you can't support. While Nikon can't tell them that they can't advertise a Dec 15 availability, Nikon surely could say something publicly to dissuade those independent claims. And I won't believe that no one at Nikon knew about these dates being published by these distributors.
I'm at the point where my perception is that Nikon has been a bit misleading about the Z9 release. That they have been a bit long on advertising in some areas in order to keep a few people in the Nikon camp. Have they lied about the Z9 release? Absolutely not, since some have very publicly received their cameras! (Maybe another reason Jared Polin received his Z9 when he did? I mean, if he got his camera after so publicly downplaying Nikon earlier, my camera can't be far behind, can it?) However, I certainly feel, as you do, that Nikon could have done better on the issue of communicating about the Z9's release. While these are challenging times along many fronts, especially manufacturing and shipping, communication has never been easier.
I've usually been in the camp of consumers that never buys a product when it is first released, but the Z9 nudged me out of it. Maybe we'll all get what we wanted in the camera and in a timely manner, but I'm re-learning lessons I disregarded.